PRESS RELEASE
PRESS, RELEASE - "Good news, your cervix is fully dilated [10 cm, editor's note]. You may start pushing now." With these words midwife Maaike Trompius announced the next phase of childbirth for Bea Klap at 2:35 AM in the St Urgentius Hospital in Kamerloo, Netherlands.
"Can I please go to the bathroom first? I really have to go!" moaned Klap.
"No no no Bea. When you feel the pressure of your baby coming, it feels like you have to defecate. Besides, we have more than enough absorbing sheets. Don't you worry about a thing."
The understanding midwife told our reporter afterwards what she was really thinking at that moment: 'Oh woman, I wish you had read up on this beforehand.'
"Okay, gather all your strength and press hard toward the exit."
Klap: "OUCH, PFFT... OUCH! What you mean?! Do I press toward the EAST- or the WEST exit?"
Trompius: "Sigh... I meant to say that during these contractions you have to press hard toward your exit. I was really trying to avoid the word 'vagina' in this press release. But I guess I failed in the end."
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Note to editors:
Keep it clean.
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